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We started out as a group of maybe twelve. But as the night wore on, people kept slipping away. Naturally, we ended up chatting, and didn’t notice the dwindling of our group.“I should finish my drink and get going,” I say.You smile and laugh at me.“Come on,” you say. “Don’t be so uptight. Like you say, nothing is going on between us, so why not just enjoy yourself? There’s nothing wrong with that is there?”“No…”“Alright, so let’s get another round.”“Sure,” I answer uncertainly. But I love the way your smile lights your face. How can I say no? It’s only a drink, after all.I watch you walk to the bar in your burgundy blouse, black skirt, and heels. Your outfit is a perfect balance of professionalism and sexiness for our academic conference presentation this afternoon, though maybe a little formal for the t-shirt and jeans crowd in this bar. I watch you bend across the bar to shout your order at the bartender. For a second, I admire the way the fabric of your skirt stretches tight. I shouldn’t have let her leave like that, I should have been happy for her. Now it was too late, she was in New York, thinking I hated her, clubbing it up and meeting new people… My guts clenched in jealousy. I hadn’t been this jealous of anyone since my very first infatuation with Beth. Not even with Anna. With Anna I always just felt betrayed, not jealous. But now, in my mind’s eye she was club hopping every night, drinking with strange guys, maybe even… Yeah, you know that song by The Killers, Mr. Brightside? That was my life for the first month she was gone. If that song had been out then I’d have had it on endless repeat. The worst part was I was too damn proud to just call her. She’d stopped calling me the day after she’d arrived. I got a voice mail saying she’d arrived safe and was starting work the very next day. I hadn’t heard anything since. I didn’t ask Kimmy or Beth about her. They never brought Abby up the few times we talked. The truth was I was a mess. I buried.
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